“My Name Is Satya And I Am A Substackaholic.”

A long time ago, I lived with an alcoholic partner. After struggling with his behaviour for many years I became desperate for support, and I started to attend a 12-step group for people affected by someone else’s drinking. It took me a very long time to realize that I had just as many problems as he did. 

Alongside various codependent traits, I started to identify my own clutch of favorite compulsions. Some of them were more socially acceptable than my partner’s were - workaholism, perfectionism, a drive to be successful… Some of the others were easy to hide (compulsions around food) and some were so common that I just blended in with everyone else (the way I used the internet and my phone).  

Roll forward a few decades, and many of my favorite compulsions are still with me. Some of them have softened, as I now engage in intuitive eating and as I ease up on my workload. Some have changed, as I have mostly left social media now and I don’t feel the same ambition to be successful in a certain way. 

I believe that our compulsions have their place in our wider ecosystem - alongside the parts of us that draw us in the opposite direction and keep our lives productive and orderly. Our compulsions (or as they are known in IFS, our firefighters or distractors) distract us, comfort us, and loosen us up. Life without them would be pretty boring!

It’s great if we can choose compulsions that cause a bit less damage - running rather than smoking or getting lost in detective novels rather than raging. I am more able to make these choices than I was back then. Also, I acknowledge that I am still human. When my compulsions do take over and cause harm these days, to myself or others, I’m more able to forgive and move on.  

So - which of my favorite compulsions are activated by being on Substack? And which of yours? Let us know in the comments.

The main compulsive parts of me that get activated by Substack are parts that relate to popularity, success, and finances. These parts want everyone to love me and my writing. They want me to make thousands a month from my Substack, and they want me to be famous. They drive me to work really hard on my writing, and obsess a little over getting it ‘right’. They make me feel jealous and they encourage me to indulge in Substack-success fantasy. They love that I’m writing for you on Russell’s amazing Substack!   

Related to these, but also separate, are a bunch of parts that get a dopamine kick from being online. These are the parts of me that get me to scroll on Notes (and scroll and scroll and scroll) when really I should be writing or doing anything else. They are also the parts that delight in numbers. Confession: even as I write this, I am clicking from this page onto Substack to see how many people have read my newsletter which just went out, and how many have liked it. These parts just love to check how many subscribers I have.   

Does any of this resonate with you? Do you have different ‘danger zones’ in your writing here? Maybe you obsess about writing regularly, or doing more and more research, or reading more of other people’s Substacks than you really have time to. Maybe you work too many hours or maybe your self-critical parts are very active. What are the sticky points for you? Where is the balance off? What feels problematic?

Before I offer some suggestions, a full disclaimer - I am certainly not ‘cured’ when it comes to non-compulsive behavior (and as I say above, I don’t expect to ever be). My relationship with Substack is mostly pretty good, but I still have bad days. With all that in mind, here’s what helps me.

⭐ Kindness. This is where we begin - always. Our ecosystems are complicated - we all have our own personal and family histories, we’ve all grown up being influenced by often problematic cultural norms, and we all have to deal with the harsh and unavoidable realities of living an impermanent life. Is it any wonder that we need a few compulsions to get by? We’re doing our best!  

⭐ Curiosity. Curiosity will help you to ‘diagnose’ the parts of your relationship with Substack that don’t feel so healthy, and it will also help you to get clearer about what’s actually going on within us. What do these behaviors bring you (or what do you hope they’ll bring)? When are they worse? What might happen if you didn’t indulge in these behaviors? What function might they be performing for you? What do you know about these parts of yourself from other areas of your life? 

⭐ Creativity. In what creative ways might you manage the bits of your relationship with Substack that you don’t like? Changing our environment can be a big help - take the app off your phone, or stop receiving email notifications when you lose a subscriber. Some people find an abstinence-based ‘sobriety’ helpful (i.e. don’t ever check your Substack stats) or find it helpful to set a few rules (i.e. only look at your stats once a week, or leave your phone in your office at 8 pm). What’s worked in the past? What new things could you try? Keep experimenting, and keep being curious. 

⭐ Connection. It is very unlikely that you will be the only one who struggles with whatever it is you’re struggling with in your life. If it feels possible, share your experience with friends or colleagues. Ask others for advice about how they manage things. If nothing else, trust that you are not alone.

⭐ Make offerings. made a suggestion in one of her excellent workshops that stayed with me - that as writers we think about ‘value, not validation’. The idea is that we focus on what we are offering to our readers, rather than using our writing to receive validation. This is a good ‘checkpoint’ for me - how much of my ego is getting tangled up with this writing? It also reminds me of the joys of making offerings. When I tune into how I might be useful to others (or wow them, or make them laugh) rather than what I might receive, everything seems to go more smoothly. 

⭐ Acceptance. Experiment with accepting yourself just as you are. This is an advanced practice!

⭐ Kindness. We finish where we began - with kindness and compassion. I think change is much more likely when we are able to go gently with ourselves. This is also an advanced practice! Even if you keep the idea of self-compassion in mind, and notice when you don’t manage it, this will help. Keep going.

I would love to hear about your experiences of Substack compulsiveness. What’s tricky for you? How does it affect you and your writing? What have you tried that’s helped? Tell me!

Now - I’m off to see how my new piece is doing, and then maybe I’ll drop into Notes… 😉

Go gently,Satya <3

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